Chindogu: useless inventions that might actually make things worse
Here are my "inventions" that I think should be documented that the world could probably do without
edible tide pods
for replacing your real tide pods so that you don't eat them every time you do the laundry. They are made out of the same ingredients as the insides of fruit gushers.
perfect bed
this bed is perfect because it only takes up the space directly under you. If you move, it moves with you, therefore conserving tons of space.
100% fly death
consists of a laser beam that pans from the top of the room to the bottom, frying every single fly in the room. Perfect for those summer days when it feels like one fly is everywhere at once
ant bus
an attachment to your shoe that looks like a double decker bus. There are entrances on both sides for easy access, and ants can come and go as they please when their human bus is standing still. When their human is walking, ants can go to the second level for more safety.
For even faster transportation, find a human with an ant bus who goes on a human bus.
Fitbit flipper
this machine uses popcorn to jostle your Fitbit so that it racks up tons of steps that you can use to make yourself feel accomplished
complicated dares for losers
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dares for those times when nobody wants to do something actually daring. Compensates for lack of physical danger with confusion and potential lost friendships
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Look just above the eyes of anyone you are talking to for the next hour
Look to the left of anyone you are talking to for the next hour
Put "that" preceding every last subject in a sentence, making it appear that you have more to say but didn’t phrase your sentence correctly. Example:
The destination is around that the next turn.
My favorite food is that barbecue potato chips.
Every time someone makes a statement, express that you are not sure it is true as if you made the statement yourself, making the other person go insane with anger
Person 1: I love to go swimming
person 2: I wish I could be sure that you like swimming, guess it's a mystery
Say everything in an unexpected tense:
original: you look amazing
becomes: you will have looked amazing
Say every second word of every sentence you say backwards.
You can only say one word per line of conversation
Say every second word of each sentence with an interrogative tone
End each sentence with the first noun you can think of
Emphasize every word with more than one syllable on the wrong syllable
Add a dinosaur suffix to every noun you say. Example:
Jessica went to the mall
Jessicossaurus went to the malladactyl
adopt the mannerisms of the living thing nearest to you
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useless analytics
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ideas for personal analytics that one may satisfactorily reflect upon every now and then, provided that there is technology to measure these things
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how many times you have said hello
how many times you have touched your pinky to your thumb on your right hand
how many times you have opened a door, and how far you usually open it
how many times you have tripped over nothing
how many yellow road lines you have ever seen
a chart of all the scents you have ever smelled, with a locked symbol over the ones you haven’t
how many thoughts you have ever had
how many times you have seen each specific time on a digital clock, and which one you have seen the most
how many hairs you have, and the record for your longest hair
the mileage of words you have handwritten
the sum number of things you have held in your field of vision over your whole life
number of plants it took to produce the oxygen to sustain you for your whole life
number of objects you truly needed
number of times you’ve spun in a complete circle
number of nightmares you’ve had
number of times your dream took place in a completely imaginary place
percentage of life that you’ve been afraid
number of pictures you have ever been in, including those of strangers by accident
number of “strangers” that have passed you by multiple times just by chance, and which of those occurrences happened many miles apart
number of serendipitous melodies you have heard due to the screeching of trains, objects falling to the floor, or gravitational waves, with a song sample generated from these melodies using AI
number of times you wore a hat
number of times you thought of someone while they were thinking of you
number of bugs you have truly eaten
number of times you thought you were touching the table with your foot, but were actually touching someone else’s foot
number of times the above ignorance was mutual
number of times you accidentally saved someone’s life or made a major impact on the course of history, with the option to see what would have happened had you not done the accidental thing
all of the statistics that reach a significant number exactly such as 100, 1 million, or your favorite number, and which ones they are. Could be that you have seen exactly 10,000,000 groups of four things, which would be important to know
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